Honest To Blog : Sit Down + Stay A While

(source unknown)
It's been a while since I've done an Honest To Blog post, and this one is really just a regurgitated subject that I've harped over time and time again at LCH... but still, I'm finding it hard to find peace in the present. I have such big dreams for myself, our business(es), our family... I find it difficult on the daily to just slow down and take it all in. I always seem to find myself in a rush to get to the next best thing... the next milestone with a project, the next big break for our businesses, the next "woo hoo!" for a family of three (err, 6?). I'm always too focused on the finished product to enjoy the journey and experience.
It could very well be a result of my age, and my immaturity peeking through. I don't consider myself to be overly experienced or anything, but I also don't like to discount what I have accomplished at 24. The  thing that hangs me up though? How much else is left to accomplish! haha It's a vicious cycle, but luckily one that keeps me on my toes. I try to cram so much into 24 hours that I feel exhausted, frustrated, and often times overwhelmed (yet that's no one's fault but my own). I get asked pretty often how I manage to "do it all" and believe me... I don't! More than I care to admit goes unfinished. Things fall to the back-burner and then I'm left thinking "Ugh, why did I let that happen?" I'm constantly on the prowl for a scheduling system that will allow me to be as efficient as possible all the while saving me my sanity. (Speaking of which, I'm having luck with a specific set of values that I'll share soon! However they only seem to cover my day to day life, not the whole package.) I stress so much about completing things and getting them where I want them that I don't even enjoy doing them. That's ridiculous. 

When touching on this in the past, several of you offered up some great suggestions and advice on what you do to combat this self-destructing mentality. While everyone has their own way to deal and adapt, I'd love to hear what the rest of you do when you feel this way. 

I want to learn to be present in the moment. In order to do so I've been toting around a film camera (or three) to document my days. This way I'm not caught up in exactly what the image looks like in the LCD... I just point, shoot, and go about my day. Then I get to relive it all over again when it's developed. (Remember when Mike + I used to shoot a disposable camera almost every single day?! I miss that!)
I'm starting to really prioritize things in my life and deciding what means the most to me. Everything from my current job situation to friends and where I hope to see our family in the next 5 years. Sometimes it's thinking like this that gets me so riled up (and off track with the present) but I'm hoping if I can have a defined set of ideals and goals then I'll be able to stop stressing about them so much. All in all, I often feel like I wear entirely too many "hats"... and I hate hats (Figurative and literal hats, respectively, that is. I have an oddly shaped head...) I'm ready to cut down on the non-sense and things that don't help get me to where I'm going. It'll be hard and it'll be scary, but I want to be able to enjoy each and every day that comes my way.

Another thing that seems to come along with this feeling is never being satisfied. I'm not satisfied with the current set up of Honeybean, or our house, or whatever... but they're great. Honeybean is doing awesome, our house is a home... but I constantly want to obsess over buying a house, taking Honeybean into a brick and mortar, expanding my design business, etc. All things that really don't even need a second-look right now. It's like the opposite of the Peter-Pan Syndrome... how do I make it stop!? haha

How about you? How do you combat the "I just wanna grow up" feeling?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I share whatever is on my mind. No edits, no filters. Just unapologetic, sometimes offensive, always truthful thought. Click HERE to read all of the past posts in this feature.


PS - Happy Father's Day to all the rad father-figures in my life. Mike - for being the best Dad to Toby (and our furbabies), my step-dad for being the best dad I've ever had (biological or otherwise), and to Mike's dad who has always been there for us and welcomed me into their family without hesitation. And I can never go a single Father's Day without recognizing my amazing mom who played both roles in my life growing up. I only wish everyone could be so lucky!

30 comments:

  1. I feel this way ALLLLL of the time! I get so focused on opening my own art studio one day that I just freak out and work all of the time. The person it hurts the most is my fiancé who definitely gets neglected more than I care to admit.
    Last week I forced myself to have some "relaxation" time. I visited my mom. At really unhealthy junk food. Just generally stopped giving a shit for a few days. It was really wonderful and I felt so refreshed stepping back into "real life." It obviously has it's flaws as it's not a sustainable form of long term stress management, but it was certainly the quick fix I needed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still go to school for one year. And I've a similar problem. I just want to use all time I have for the things I love: sewing, handicraft work, baking and spend time with friends. I finally want to go to university and want to decide what I have to do.
    And I really don't know how to change this feeling... can I force myself to have different feelings? I don't feel comfortable with this idea. Haha. So I think I just have to use the time I have as well as I can.
    Have a great sunday, Kaelah :)
    best, Luu
    (lealuu.com)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know exxactly what you mean Kaelah! Im all too bad at worrying about the past and the future! What I want in the future but wanting it now! I too have been trying to stay in the present and almost tell myself to slow down the thinking and set myself little goals to achieve! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Honestly, the ONLY way I can wind down and relax, is to plan a day (hour, morning, whatever) for it. I can't spontaneously relax. It's weird, but that's the only way I can deal.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Kaelah, I hear ya! I wrote about this very same thing earlier this month. I spend so much energy focusing on the future and fretting about the fact I'm not getting there fast enough! I'm not sure what the answer is either... If you work it out can you let me know?!

    Katie x

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have to same problem...i haven't figured out a way to slow it down yet...it's just a dream so big it feels like my head is too small to contain it all...:(

    ReplyDelete
  7. I feel like this all the time, mostly at work.

    I set myself ridiculously high expectations and when I don't get everything done, I really beat myself up about it. In fact, just Friday my boss commented "You're very good at meeting deadlines". I was genuinely surprised as I always feel like I'm just scraping by. I've heard it described as "imposter syndrome"- I feel like I'm faking it and fooling everyone but live in constant fear of being "found out".

    I can never live in the moment. I'm always thinking about the next thing I have to do.

    Becky
    xx

    http://www.beckybedbug.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is something that I think that many "independent" women struggle with. We put too much pressure on ourselves, we refuse to acknowledge when we do something awesome, we're always trying to be the best. If you live in the future too much, you'll miss out on all the good now! Which is just the worst.

    I remember someone told me once that every time I started getting ahead of myself, and refusing to accept my awesomeness, to just STOP. Acknowledge that I'm doing it again. And then make a list of everything I've accomplished, or is good in my life RIGHT THIS SECOND. The hardest part is making yourself believe that you've genuinely done enough, and to accept that you just have crazy standards on yourself that a) you would never expect of anyone else, and b) no one would ever expect of you.

    Good luck Kaelah! Unwind and take lots of pictures in Florida for us ♥

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, it's so difficult and I know exactly what you mean. I have a brick-and-mortar, as you say, shop. Been open 3 months today! And I'm totally at a loss, when I started I thought I'd love it, I could implement all these ideas and plans, yet it's kinda been lost. I love pies, but I certainly have my fingers in too many of them. Thanks for the post, it was a joy to read as always and your insight is just what I needed. Going to try and do the same, fill my days with important stuff and be more productive while loving every day!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think most of us feel that way, in one aspect or another in our life... but to feel it in every aspect can be so draining. i know.... it's hard to slow down, but you see just how quickly time flies. there is no time to waste. all you can do is try to live in the moment and not try to plan so much for the future. i mean honestly, it can all be gone at any given moment, and when our time here IS up, nothing goes with us, SO, don't drive yourself crazy moving so far into the future, just try to relish every moment you have... in the now. <3

    ReplyDelete
  11. Eh,Kaelah. I have been there, done that (on a much smaller, humbler scope. I'm a shy, wee thing). This dissatisfaction just kind of will be there because you're ambitious and want more out of life. The thing is, though, um, there's always more. And it never stops, too. Like, you get one thing and then suddenly there's another thing that you really need.

    It's a cycle. I'm kind of going through the opposite. I rushed through everything: high school (graduated early), college, grad school. At twenty five, I am slowing down and learning how to live my life on my own terms, you know, rather than on society's terms, and figuring out what I really want in life. Love your blog. If you have time, check out mine (I sound like a commercial, jeebus): nothardy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. You know, I too found I was doing this a LOT. Spending so much time in the future that the present was just passing me by... The trouble is, when the future gets there, you have even more plans, so you spend forever chasing your tail!
    The only thing you can really do is get yourself scheduled, the practice being present in the moment. I had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Training) a while back, and that teaches some great techniques for getting a grab on thoughts which are troubling. Another thing which helped me loads was meditation, and reading a little on Buddhism. I'm not Buddhist, but the non-ego, being in the present thing is pretty fabulous.

    But anyway, practicalities!
    This place does super awesome planners... http://www.personal-planner.co.uk/EN/

    This is a great online CBT course, which is totally free and heavily backed by professionals... http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
    Though I'm sure you'd gain just as much from reading a wee book about it, I have this one... http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manage-Anxiety-Through-CBT-ebook/dp/B0057MLP28/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2 (It's for anxiety, but it applies to many things).

    Aaaand finally, when it comes to wise words from a pretty badass buddhist, you can't get much better than Ajahn Brahm, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZvrIUmUbqw&feature=plcp All his talks are fab, they are long, but really very much so worth it. His talks have helped me through many difficult situations in my life and I like to share him where I can.

    Allie Liz xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. GAH this is so me! I wish I had advice but I need the advice too! lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hey, I think this is really a typical struggle for an ambitious personality. Not ambitious in a "I must win and the others must lose" kinda way, but simply a personality which always looks to the next goal, even when you've maybe not completed what you're doing at the moment.

    I don't know what makes your heart feel like you're not good enough - whether it's comparison with others, or an idea of what you should be doing. Facing that head on is really tough.

    For me, balancing moving house (to another country), starting a PhD and simply wanting everything to move at 100 miles an hour is really damaging to my relationship with my husband. Our solution (and it's one we're still working on) is to put aside time to just be together. And I mean a whole day or two every week. Actually take a day off or a weekend - don't see those as extra hours to accomplish your goal, but hours that belong to you & Mike, or to you, Mike & Toby. No promises, but it's working for us at the moment. the photography idea sounds a great one, and I might steal that one from you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I constantly feel the exact same way. People are constantly telling me to "remember to breathe" and to slow down. I guess it's just part of the perfectionist personality mixed with a strong will to succeed that's eminent in both of us. I think we all have those freak out moments (I constantly tell Cameron, my bf, that I just want to grow up and feel like a real adult!), but you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders and a strong understanding that you DO need to take a break now and then. Good for you! Carrying a camera will give it's own inspirations in ways you didn't think they would I bet!

    ReplyDelete
  16. This post made me think of something I read or heard lately, but can't remember where, that said that 20-somethings tend to always be looking for "the next big thing" as you said, because up until now our lives have been built on milestones and accomplishments: finishing high school, getting our driver's license, going to college, getting our first job, getting married, etc. And then there comes a point where we achieve all these things, and we start to feel lost, because that's all we've ever known, so it's hard to slow down and not feel like we need to be working towards something.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I feel the same way! I wish I could help but as someone who is going to school full time, has my own little shop, and trying to hold relationships with people I feel like I don't know how to stop and smell the roses! If you find any solutions let us all know!

    ♥Sarah♥
    theantiquepearl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I actually just read this the other day and its PERFECT!

    http://crazysexylife.com/2012/be-present-pit-stops/

    ♥Sarah♥
    theantiquepearl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm the opposite, inside I'm always screaming "I'm still fourteen!". So no helpful advice, just a quote that only ties up with your topic indirectly:

    "I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only the past" - Virginia Woolf.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yoga really puts things in perspective for me. It physically forces me to slow down and accept the present moment... Just 30 mins a day is sufficient enough... Although 90 mins is a religious experience (if I can get through it) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I refresh by meditation, yoga, and talking an hour walk to exercise. Those 3 things really have helped me learn to be present. You may not have the time for them, but you can cut time here or there. Even 5 minutes of yoga or meditation will put you in a great state of mind. Also you must remember, *metaphor time* you have been doing lots of harvesting (planting seeds), and they are sprouting (honey bean, toby, house, etc). What you need to do is pause, take a few big deep deep breathes in (completely relax and smile, it feels so good) and remember that you have done tons to make it to where you are. Pat yourself on the back occasionally. Remember that you don't have to do it all, all of the time. And if you don't take time for yourself and your spirit, you will be bogged down by life. Focus on your spirit some. :]

    I hope this helps. :]

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is how I feel, about 98% of the time. It is such a relief to know that I'm not alone in feeling never-satisfied. I love reading your blog, Kaelah, but as an 18-year-old fresh high school graduate, I always have a bit of trouble relating. Six years is a big difference! I read all of these blogs, and I wish that my life could speed up so I could experience the wonderful things that you are experiencing... being a mother to Toby, planning a wedding, operating a small business... sometimes I feel like I am never satisfied with what I have, and I am always looking for the next big thing. Loved this post.

    Claire

    ReplyDelete
  23. I love your honest-to-blog posts. I always feel like I have a billion things I need to get done and barely achieve any of it. But I've found it's really important to take time for yourself and enjoy the little things. You'll waste your life achieving but not enjoying if you don't.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lately I've been feeling like I just want the days to run together, and forget to enjoy every one like the gift it is. I feel like I'm waiting for the day when, the day when I'm out of credit card debt, the day when the boy and I can finally figure out this long distance/moving in together thing and waiting for the day when I figure out how to be a grown up.
    But then the boy said something to me the other day that made stop and think about the way I live my life, "Worrying about things won't change anything, live each day and take things as they come." So thats what I'm trying to do.

    ReplyDelete
  25. this is something i could have written.
    i can't seem to slow down either, i jump from one thing right to another.
    i always have so much to do, doing something for myself / slowing things down just seems like a waste of time. BUT, it is very important to do that. i always plan to, but than something comes up and my plans to live more in mindful, more in the now, get pushed back .. i spy a vicious circle, haha.
    xo, cheyenne

    ReplyDelete
  26. Are those chiggers you're posing in/by?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh gosh, I could have written this post myself. I have so many ideas racing through my head and sometimes I just end up...freezing...because it's so overwhelming! I am 27 and still feel like i havent grown up, so you totally aren't alone! x

    ReplyDelete
  28. What a lovely post! I often feel the same way. I feel like I have so many 'things' going on in my life that I don't focus my energy on just one and that I really need to. I think setting goals and abiding by them will make it easier. For me, I need to seriously plan out my day or nothing will get done. Whether you really have it together or not, you always seem to pull it off seamlessly. :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. i think its a common problem, my thoughts and plans race away so fast i can't encompass them all, even when i can i feel like i can never achieve it all or want to get started and never stop.

    I'm becoming more organised and made massive lists but i find they overwhelm me alot too. Slowly i'm giving myself time and going back over old projects and lists. I found dreams and plans i had written 3 years ago i havent properly fed back on or refreshed.

    if you find the answer, please share! just remember what you do achieve. dont spend all your life chasing the dream because we are living it right now!

    ReplyDelete

HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB